Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
