In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm at about main and main street
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
