After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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