What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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