Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
