DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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