This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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