The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did I show you my penis last night?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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