so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
