Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
