Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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