I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
