Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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