That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
