it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
