found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
