I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
