I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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