SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
