My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dignity is for republicans.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
