you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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