Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
