she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
