I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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