To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
