you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
