how can u be prego again
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
