You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
