I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
