I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
