Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
id be glad to
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
