we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
