Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
