just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
