Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
