I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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