i just sent this text using only my big toe
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
