She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
