is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
