i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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