Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
