Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
