You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
