I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
