I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
