You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
