You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
