When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
