you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think your dad took our porno
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
there is glitter all over my balls
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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