My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
