i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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