i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Shame - the story of my life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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